


The Shape of Love

by Haleyb333



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-05 13:32:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6706345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haleyb333/pseuds/Haleyb333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alec dies unexpectedly, can Max and Rafael help their Papa heal, or will they be unable to pick up the pieces?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Max was terribly anxious to meet with his brother, Rafael, at the Institute. The last time they had seen each other had been at their father's funeral. Alec had died unexpectedly from an injury he had sustained after being ambushed while on a supposedly routine mission. It wasn't as though they hadn't been prepared for it. Max and Rafael had been preparing themselves for years. After all, they had been taught at a young age that they would lose their dad far too soon.

Somehow, Max found himself dealing with his father's death much better than he had imagined. Of course, it was the hardest thing he'd ever gone through, but he'd imagined that he wouldn't have been able to function after losing his dad. He was doing much better than he'd ever though he would, but that might have had something to do with the fact that most of his time was being taken up over worrying about his papa. Max hardly had time to register his own pain before he was consumed by his papa's pain.

This was the very reason that Max had asked Rafael to meet with him. He had no idea what to do to help their papa, but with every day, he was becoming increasingly worried. As soon as their dad had died, their Uncle Jace had told them to just give their papa some time, that he would begin to get better with every day that passed. But what seemed to be happening was the complete opposite, and Max couldn't seem to take his mind off of the possibilities. Rafael had already moved out on his own, so Max was left to wonder about their papa and try to pick up the pieces by himself, which was something he no longer felt he could do.

"Max, is something wrong?" Rafael immediately embraced his brother, but he couldn't keep himself from asking the question before they had pulled apart. Max supposed that he should have told Rafael to not worry, that Rafael would have immediately jumped to the conclusion that Max was asking to see him because something else had gone wrong.

Sitting back down, Max tried to think of the best way to phrase everything that he wanted to say, but there seemed to be no easy way to do so. "Honestly, Rafe, I don't know," Max said, hearing the pain in his own voice. He'd work to keep himself so carefully composed around his papa, and now he could feel that composure and that self-control breaking down. The thing that didn't help him at all was the fact that when he said "Rafe," Rafael's face momentarily twisted in pain. Their dad had been the one to being calling him that, and Max could see that the name caused a flood of emotions.

He couldn't really blame Rafael for that. The first time his aunt Isabelle had lovingly called him "Blueberry," Max had screamed at her to never call him that again. Instead of acknowledging Rafael's reaction, Max simply continued. "I'm very concerned about Papa," he said, unable to meet Rafael's eyes. "I know he's going through a lot, but he seems to be getting much worse every day. He's hardly eating or sleeping or even moving, he's wearing white constantly, he's not taking care of himself. Rafael, he should be getting better, even if just a bit. But he's getting worse, and I don't know what to do."

Rafael considered this for several moments before responding, and Max could see that his brother had likely predicted what he was going to say. "Let me be very clear here, Max," Rafael began, his voice obviously controlled. "You're worried about losing Papa, too, aren't you?" The only thing Max could find in himself to do was nod, his eyes still trained on his feet.

When Max refused to speak up, Rafael continued, driven by a newfound concern for the rest of the family he had left. "Max, Papa promised us that he would stay with us. I understand that he's hurting, but he's always been a man of his word. You know that as well as I do. He wouldn't possibly leave us now." Somehow, what Rafael was saying didn't seem to comfort him at all. In fact, what Rafe was saying seemed to be doing quite the opposite. His brother didn't seem to be nearly as concerned as he should have been, and all that was doing was angering Max.

"Were you even listening to me, Rafael? Do you even care about Papa at all?" Max was trying to keep his voice below a scream, but he was having a lot of trouble doing so. "We have to figure out how to help him before things get out of hand. I cannot lose him, too, Rafe. I simply can't."

For a few moments, Rafael simply stared back at Max, obviously assessing the situation and trying to figure out exactly what he needed to do. "If you're that worried about him, then talk to him about it. Don't just hide your worries from him. If you think there's anything we need to do, then you let me know what it is, and I'll help you do it. But, Max, don't make this more painful than it needs to be. I miss Dad, too, but nothing in this world can bring him back, and Papa knows that. That's why he's hurting. I love you, Max, and you know I'm here if you need anything."

Since Max didn't know what more to do, he decided to spend a bit more time with Rafael, knowing that he needed his brother now more than ever. But leaving the Institute, he resolved to do whatever he needed to do in order to help his Papa heal.  
.  
.  
.  
Magnus was terribly anxious over his meeting with Catarina. And he knew that he had a perfectly good reason for that. What he was about to ask Catarina to do for him was likely going to make her wonderfully angry. Not to mention what it might do to Max and Rafael. But at this point, Magnus couldn't stop to think about what he was doing.

He was currently curled up on the couch, the Chairman wrapped in his arms, the only source of comfort he had found in weeks. Sure, he had Max and Rafael, but he could easily tell that they were experiencing so much pain of their own that he hadn't wanted to bother them with his suffering. More than anything, Magnus simply wanted relief. What he truly wanted was Alec, but since that was impossible, he supposed that he would have to settle for relief.

The problem was not that he wasn't content with life itself. It was that he was no longer content with a life without Alec. And he didn't care how many times people told him that time would heal his wounds. It seemed that the longer he went on without Alec, the more broken he became. He knew that asking Catarina for the help he wanted would likely turn his world even further upside down than it already was, but it was something he knew he had to do.

"Magnus," Catarina said as soon as she walked through the door, her voice frantic. "Is there something wrong? Is Max okay?" She was looking around the apartment, obviously jumping to the worst conclusion possible. Magnus motioned for her to sit down, hoping to calm her down while he still could.

"This isn't about either of the boys, Catarina," he said, sitting down across from her, trying to keep himself calm as well, hoping that he could get through his request without breaking down. "But I wouldn't say that everything is fine," he said after a long pause. "When Alec died, you told me you would do whatever I asked of you if it would help me heal."

Magnus didn't get to say anything other than that before Catarina began connecting the dots. "Magnus," she said with a warning tone. "I know I told you that I would do anything you needed, but I will not help you do anything that will harm you in any way." Her tone was final, but Magnus thought that he might be able to convince her of exactly what he wanted to do.

Instead of responding immediately, Magnus remained silent, knowing that Catarina would continue to talk if he did so. After continuing to stare at Magnus for several moments, Catarina reacted the exact way Magnus knew she would. "I have the feeling I know what you're thinking of, Magnus, and I only have one thing to ask. Why?"

Somehow, Magnus had known she was going to ask that, and he tried for hours to prepare himself for that particular question. Yet here was, still searching for an answer. "At first, the pain was bearable," Magnus began, hoping that he could sort through his thoughts and emotions. "But I think that was because it hadn't really sunk in that Alec was really gone. Every night, I go to sleep telling myself that things will be better when I wake up. And yet, every morning, I wake up to the reality that Alexander is not by my side. With every day, it sinks in more and more that I will never wake up to see the love of my life lying right beside of me."

Magnus paused and closed his eyes for a few moments, knowing that if he stopped now, he would never be able to continue again. "I lived for four hundred years, Catarina, and I have no trouble or doubt in saying that Alec was the love of my life. I thought I had prepared myself for his death, but I know now that I will never heal from it. I love my sons, do not get me wrong. They are my world; you know that as well as I do. But I feel as though they are both strong enough to get through absolutely anything life hands them."

The only thing that kept Magnus from looking at Catarina was the thought of what expression she might be looking at him with. He didn't want pity, he didn't want to see her pain, he had enough of that on his own. Eventually, the only thing that Catarina said was, "What do you want me to do?" her voice soft enough to show Magnus that what he had said had made a bit of headway.

Magnus took several more moments to compose himself. His composure was slipping very quickly, and he knew he had to get through the next sentence before he could allow himself to break down in front of Catarina. It was the absolute last thing he wanted to do, but Magnus knew it was going to be unavoidable in the end, so he dove into his request in the only way that he knew how. "I would like you to help me take away my immortality."


	2. Chapter 2

"You're planning to do what?" Max asked, knowing he was essentially screaming at his father. He was looking back and forth between his papa and his brother, unsure of who he was angrier with. He was angry with his papa, that was certain. But he also wasn't terribly surprised that his papa was planning to take away him immortality. That was something he had seen coming. He'd been in denial about it, of course, but it wasn't as though he hadn't been watching his papa get worse and worse over the last few weeks.

Max was fairly certain he had never been so angry with Rafael at all. Rafael's only response to their papa's announcement was, "If that's what you want." It was almost impossible for Max to understand why Rafael was being so calm about it.

"And you're telling him this is okay?" Max said, turning on his bother without a second thought. "Do you want to lose them both?" He knew his voice was full of anger, but he didn't even begin to try to calm himself. He could feel his heart beating far more rapidly than it ever had at the mere thought of losing his papa as well.

At the moment, Max couldn't differentiate one thought from another. His mind was running so quickly that nothing had the time to sink in. The only thing that really had the time to make any impact was the pain that was quickly taking over every inch of his body. Before either his papa or Rafael could say anything in response to him, Max was out of the door and running down the stairs that led up to the apartment. He had no idea where he was going, he just knew that he had to get away.

When he'd imagined losing his papa, he'd thought of Magnus as deliberately taking his own life. He'd thought that he would walk into the apartment one day to find his papa dead because of something he'd specifically done to himself. Yet somehow, this was much worse than that. If his papa took away his immortality, Max would have to spend years watching him slowly age and die, a situation that would cause Max more and more pain with every passing day.

Before he could figure out what was going on in his mind, Max realized that he had ended up at his dad's grave. He fell to his knees before the grave, unable to tear himself away from it once he realized that was where he was. He didn't move when he heard footsteps behind him; he was too numb to try to use the effort to fend whoever it was off.

When his papa sat down beside of him, Max surprised himself by staying where he was. "Max, I'm sorry," Magnus said, his own pain evident in his voice. "I know you're hurting, but I want you to talk to me about this. Please don't shut me out, son."

When Max finally allowed himself to respond to his papa, he was much less angry than he would have predicted he would have been. "I just don't understand why you want to do this, Papa," he said, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. "I know you're in pain, but did you even really think about Rafael when you decided this? Or me?"

"You know that you two were the first thing I thought about," Magnus replied, immediately on defense in the way that Max knew all too well. "You're going to have years to heal before I leave you, too, Max. You're still hurting over losing your dad; your mind is full of pain already. Max, you'll be fine. I know you will."

For several moments, Max considered getting up and walking away from his papa, suddenly so overwhelmed by a mix of anger and pain that he had no idea what to do. But then he found himself speaking and he was unable to stop himself. "You don't get it, Papa. I don't care how long it will take for you to die. You'll die eventually, and that's not something I'll ever be able to take. You say you thought about me and Rafael, but I don't think you really did."

Max paused to take a deep breath, but he didn't give his papa time to say anything. "I've always expected to lose Dad, that was something I had thought about almost every day of my life from the time I was old enough to understand that he would leave us. But you aren't seeing the bigger picture. Before you and Dad adopted me and Rafael, you were afraid of being left alone, right?"

There was no need for Max to look over at his papa to know that he was right, so he continued speaking. "As if losing Dad wasn't enough, but now you're condemning me to losing you, too. But that's not the only thing, Papa. You're condemning me to the exact fate you were always afraid of. It's not just about losing you; I'm going to lose Rafael, too."

It was then that Max realized tears were streaming down his face, but he didn't stop to wipe them away. "You've always told me that you would be here for me no matter what. When I was little and got upset because I realized that Dad and Rafael were going to leave us, you were the one to hold me, dry my tears, and tell me that you would never leave me, that we would always have each other. What happened to that promise, Papa?"

Max allowed more tears to fall when he felt his papa's arms wrap around him. Despite himself, he turned into his papa, unable to resist the comfort he so desperately needed. "Things are different now, Max. I thought that I would heal; I thought that I would end up being okay. But I was wrong, and I am so sorry for that." When his papa leaned down and buried his face in Max's hair, Max felt every last piece of his composure break.

"I need you; why can't you see that? You promised, Papa." Max knew he was pleading; he knew he was being slightly immature. But the flood of pain that was replacing the numbness he'd had before was so overwhelming that he knew if he would not be able to stand up if he wanted to. "You promised."

Max didn't know how long he and his papa sat at his dad's grave; all he could feel was the hole that was growing in his chest. The thing that hurt him the most was that he knew there was nothing he could say to his papa to change his mind. So Max simply sat there, wrapped in his papa's arms, allowing the hole to grow, and wishing he could find a way to bring his dad back to them.  
.  
.  
.  
Magnus couldn't help but admit that Max had been terribly right. What Max had told him had torn at his heart more than anything else over the past few weeks had, but Magnus couldn't shake the feeling that once he was rid of his immortality that he would be rid of the burden over his heart as well.

The thing that made this worse was the fact that he knew he was being selfish; Max had pointed that out perfectly. But Magnus didn't call Catarina to tell her the plans had changed. Mostly because he didn't have the courage to change them. So now he was curled up in bed with the Chairman, waiting on Catarina to arrive and wondering why he had ever allowed himself to fall so deeply in love with a mortal.

As he was generally prone to do when he was alone, he began reliving moments of his life with Alec. The moment that Alec had walked into his party, the moment Alec had kissed him in Alicante, the days they had gotten Max and Rafael, the day of their wedding, every happy memory rushing at him at once.

He had no idea how long it was before he heard the front door opening. At first, he simply thought it was Catarina, but then he realized that Catarina wouldn't have a key, so she would have knocked instead of simply walking in. At first, Magnus considered just staying where he was, too exhausted to really care about a possible intruder.

Then Magnus realized that he probably needed to make sure that someone wasn't attempting to rob him, so he got up off of his bed as quietly as possible. When he turned the corner to peer into the living room, Magnus was expecting to simply have to snap his fingers to take down a mundane, but he stopped in his tracks when he saw who it was. His first and only thought was that what he was seeing was utterly impossible. When he spoke, he barely heard his voice, his mind already in overdrive. "Alexander?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts on this story! I'd love to hear from you about it! I hope you're enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it!


	3. Chapter 3

When Alec looked up at him, Magnus's heart skipped several beats. He knew he was going insane; there couldn't be any other explanation for it. There was absolutely no way that Alec was standing before him. Magnus had held Alec in his arms as he'd died. It was absolutely impossible for Alec to be standing in their living room. Before he could say anything, however, Alec spoke up. "I know what this looks like, but please just sit down and I'll explain everything; I don't have much time."

The only thing Magnus could do was sit down. What else was there to do when your dead husband came back from the dead? So he sat down on the couch, unable to take his eyes off of Alec, yet he found himself with his phone in his hand. Alec waited patiently while he tried to call both Max and Rafael. Conveniently, neither of them answered.

Magnus sat his phone down on the couch beside of him, his hands obviously shaking, his eyes still trained on Alec. "Prove to me that you're Alec," Magnus said, knowing it was the only obvious thing he could do. Of course, anyone could be targeting him now, especially his father, but Magnus had to be entirely sure before he used his magic against the person sitting across from him.

"On our honeymoon, we went to Indonesia and we visited your parents' graves," Alec said, his gaze steadily meeting Magnus's. It didn't take much for Magnus to admit that this had to be Alec. The family knew that they'd gone to Indonesia, but they didn't know exactly what they had done there, and while they were there, Magnus had used some pretty powerful magic to ensure that no one remembered them being there.

The only thing Magnus could find in himself to say was, "How is this possible?" He almost hated the way his heart lifted at the sight of Alec's weak smile. He wanted nothing more than to throw himself into Alec's arms, but he resisted, still worrying that he was utterly insane. "You're dead," he said, his voice wavering far more than he wished it would.

Magnus's heart sank at Alec's response, and he knew that his face clearly reflected this. "You're right, Magnus, I am dead." Alec quickly continued speaking as he noticed the look on Magnus's face. "I came back for a short time because I desperately needed to speak with you." Magnus knew he needed to stay silent, so that's exactly what he did, simply waiting on Alec to speak once more. He still wasn't entirely convinced that he wasn't absolutely insane.

"I've been watching over you and the boys, Magnus," Alec said, his voice tightly controlled. "Oh, don't look so surprised, you knew I would; death isn't going to keep me from my family. But what I'm really here about, Magnus, is why you're doing this. I need to know that your heart is really in the right place." Magnus didn't have to ask what he was referring to to know that Alec was talking about his apparent need to rid himself of his immortality.

When Alec paused and simply looked straight at him, Magnus knew that he would never be able to get himself out of answering that question. "Alexander, I always told myself that it would take me some time but that I would eventually heal after I lost you. But I was either naive or I was fooling myself." Magnus took a deep breath, knowing that he would never be able to take a deep enough breath to steady himself. He wanted to say so much more, but he knew that if this was really Alec sitting before him that his husband would be able to understand everything that was left unsaid.

"Magnus, I understand that you're hurting," Alec said, his voice much softer than it had been before. "But do you understand what this might do to the boys?" Alec paused for a second, his stare unwavering. "Especially Max."

It was then that Magnus looked away from Alec and down at his feet. He had figured that this was where their conversation was going. "I'm not here to tell you what to do, Magnus. I just think that you need to stop and think for a little while. Give it more time, Magnus. I know you think that this is impossible to get over, but you've done many impossible things in your lifetime."

Before Magnus could say anything, his phone began ringing, and he looked down to see Catarina's name on his phone. Instead of answering, he declined it and texted her to tell her he would call her later. "I can't stay any longer, Magnus," Alec said, getting up from his seat. "I love you, but you know that already. Don't forget that I'm always here watching." The only thing Magnus could do was watch Alec leave in heartbroken silence, knowing that he had a terrible decision to make.  
.  
.  
.  
"How'd it go?" Rafael asked as soon as Max walked out of the apartment. He'd barely had the time to change back into himself before Rafael had all but jumped onto him. He snapped his fingers to change his clothes, not wanting to wear his father's sweater any longer than he absolutely had to. "What happened? Max, don't keep me waiting, please."

Max walked by his brother without saying a word. They walked a couple of blocks in silence before Max finally spoke to Rafael. "I don't know, Rafael. I left before he could try to kiss me or something. Let's just be glad that Aunt Catarina taught me how to shift and that Dad let slip what happened in Indonesia because otherwise Papa would have seen through it." Rafael seemed to consider this for a few moments, and Max knew that he was likely caught up in his own thoughts about their father.

"I don't know if it made any difference as far as his immortality," Max continued, unable to take the silence. "But I do know that it helped him at least in one way. I could see the change in his face, Rafe, I could see how much talking to Dad meant to him." Max found himself at his father's grave yet again, and somehow, he couldn't seem to pull himself away.

The only thing that comforted Max was that Rafael was by his side this time. They sat in silence for a several minutes, and when Rafael leaned over to put an arm around Max, Max knew that he was trying to find comfort in the same way that Max was searching for it. "I don't care what happens, Max, what you did for Papa makes you my hero." Rafael abruptly stopped talking, as though he wanted to say more but he had no idea how to say it.

"We can't ever tell Aunt Catarina what I did, can we?" Max asked, somewhat absentmindedly. He knew he was right, but staring at his father's gravestone made him want to hear his brother's voice. Before Rafael could respond, however, they heard someone clear their throat behind them. Max closed his eyes, knowing exactly what was about to happen.

"You can't tell me what, exactly?" Catarina asked, her voice tinged with frustration. Max knew she had likely already talked to his father. She either knew exactly what had happened, or she was on her way to figuring it out. Max and Rafael shared a look with each other, and Max didn't need any words to know that they had both decided they would never betray exactly what had just happened. They both knew that no one would believe their father if he tried to tell someone what had happened, so they only needed to remain silent.

When they didn't speak up, Catarina continued, the ghost of a smile playing across her face. "I don't have any idea what the two of you have done, but I suspect whatever it is has something to do with the fact that your Papa just told me he needs a few days to think about this whole immortality situation." Her smile widened when she saw the looks on their faces.

"I don't know what the end result of this will be, but I can't express to the two of you how much I genuinely hope that he changes his mind. Whatever the two of you did, I wanted to thank you for it." Max leaned further into Rafael when Rafael's arm tightened around him. Max didn't realize it when Catarina left them alone once more, all he could think about was the possibility that he might have changed his papa's mind.

"I'm so proud of you, Max," Rafael said after what seemed like an hour. "So proud of you." Max allowed the tears that had been pressing at his eyes to finally roll down his face. He couldn't shake the fear that was welling up inside of him. He couldn't help but turn into Rafael when he continued speaking. "I love you, Blueberry."


	4. Chapter 4

The last thing Magnus wanted to do was admit to his sons exactly what his new plan was. He knew that they would both eventually be better off for it, but he also knew that telling them would likely initially cause a very large argument. He knew they wouldn't take it lightly at first, but in the end, he understood that it was the best option. It was the only thing Magnus had come up with to make the situation as right as possible.

He'd already talked to Catarina about whether or not she would be willing to help him now that his plans had changed, and though she'd been reluctant at first, she'd eventually come to see that Magnus was right. His only hope was that Max and Rafael would forgive him as quickly as Catarina had come to understand.

The first thing Catarina had asked him was why, and his only explanation had been that he simply had to. "Rafael had the unfortunate luck of falling in love with Elaine," he said, attempting his explanation as best as he could. "You know she's a warlock just as well as I do. And Max simply cannot take this anymore. It's something that I have to do for the both of them, and I will not change my mind or apologize for it."

The nervousness that overcame Magnus when he heard the door begin to open was almost overwhelming. When Rafael stepped into the living room, his face was immediately overcome by worry. "What's wrong, Papa?" he asked, his voice obviously trying to hide his concern. "What's going on?" Magnus motioned for Rafael to sit down.

"There's nothing particularly wrong, Rafael," he said, taking a seat opposite his son. "Nothing more than usual, at least. But I'll start explaining when Max gets here; there's no need to explain things twice." Rafael eyed him, and Magnus knew that he was trying to figure out exactly what was going on. It looked as though he was having a hard time doing so, but when he finally spoke up, Magnus knew his son was getting very close to the truth of things.

"This is about your immortality, isn't it?" The part that hurt Magnus the most about this question was that he could hear the break in Rafael's voice. "You've made your decision." This wasn't a question anymore, and the finality to Rafael's voice was almost enough to be heartbreaking. Magnus forced himself to keep from giving any hint as to what that decision possibly was.

"I'm going to make coffee while we're waiting on your brother," was all that he said before he got up and went to the kitchen. When he came back, he could easily see how stressed Rafael seemed to be. "How's Elaine?" he asked, hoping to take Rafael's mind off of himself and the situation at hand.

This, however, didn't seem to do exactly what Magnus wanted it to do as Rafael's face fell even further at the question. "I'm sure she's fine, but I wouldn't really know at the moment. She hasn't spoken to me all night or day because we had an argument. I don't really think I need to explain to you exactly how the whole immortality argument got started." When Magnus felt the weight of sorrow settle in over his heart, he knew that he was making the right decision.

Before he could say anything to attempt to comfort Rafael, the door opened once more to reveal Max this time. "What's going on, Papa?" Max asked as soon as he was through the door. "What's this about?" It was obvious that Max hadn't yet thought the situation through in the way that Rafael had, so Magnus decided that the best course of action was to dive straight into the conversation that was ahead of him.

"Take a seat, Max. I've made my decision about my immortality, and I would like to talk to the both of you about that. I won't do anything at all unless I get permission from both of you." Max watched his father suspiciously as he took a seat beside of his brother. It was obvious that Max was highly concerned about what his father was going to say, and Magnus couldn't blame him for that.

"I want you two to hear me out before you answer me. Let me explain why I want this, then you can tell me your thoughts." Magnus watched as his sons shared a glance much in the way that Alec and Jace used to share glances. "I wish to take away my immorality, that much remains true. But I wish to do something with it," Magnus held up a hand when he saw Max's mouth open. "I don't want to simply give it away and get rid of it. I want to make a difference with it, and I want to do something I think even your father would support."

Magnus paused for several seconds, trying to figure out how best to go about the rest of the conversation. In the end, Magnus decided that being straightforward was the only way to do so. "Much too long ago, I heard of a spell that can transfer a warlock's immortality to anyone at all. I used to think of it as pure legend, but I recently decided to look into it, and I've discovered that it's much more than legend. To put it frankly, I wish to give my immortality to you, Rafael."

The silence was absolutely deafening, and suddenly, Magnus began second guessing everything that he had thought was right. "We all three know that you're in love with Elaine, and giving the two of you the chance that your father and I never got is something that I can truly say would make me happy. But what helped me decide this the most was a lot of what Max said to me the other day. The way you talked about losing Rafael, son, it was as though losing Rafael would mean losing half of your heart. Sure, losing your father and I will hurt the both of you; I understand that. But if I can give the both of you the chance to live the kind of life I never got the chance to live, well, that's really my only dream right now."

When Magnus was done, he swallowed the lump in his throat, attempting to watch the expressions on Max and Rafael's faces, his heartbeat the only thing that told him time was still moving. Magnus was surprised by the first thing that Rafael was able to say. "Do you really mean that, Papa?" he asked, his voice showing Magnus that he didn't want to throw himself into false hope. Magnus inclined his head, afraid that speaking again would mess things up.

Rafael turned to Max then, his expression unreadable to Magnus. "I think this is absolutely insane," Max said, and Magnus watched as Rafael's face fell. He wanted to interject, but he knew that if Max was going to argue there was nothing he could do about it. "This is insane," Max repeated. "But I understand why you want to do it, Papa. If it's what Rafael wants, then you both have my blessing."

Magnus watched once more as Rafael's face lifted again. Rafael wasted no time in expressing to them both exactly what he thought of the situation. "You know that I would never dream of taking your immortality away from you, Papa. You know better than anyone that I would never want to lose you. But if you wish to take it away regardless of the situation, then there's no sense in allowing it to go to waste. Staying with Max has honestly been my dream since we were children. Of course," Rafael paused, his voice catching slightly.

"My dream always included you as well. If this is truly what you want, Papa, then you know that I'm going to accept this." Rafael paused, and Magnus looked away for a moment when he realized that there were tears in Rafael's eyes. "You giving me the chances that you never got, Papa, that's honestly the best gift you've ever given me. I would be insane to deny it. Sure, you know we're going to miss you like crazy. But you're still going to get the chance to be a grandfather before you get gray hair and leave us." Magnus was surprised to realize that he was smiling by the time that Rafael had finished speaking.

At that, Magnus got up from his seat and moved to embrace both of his children. Things had gone much better than Magnus had ever imagined, and now his only hope was that wherever Alec was, he might eventually forgive Magnus for what he was going to do. "The two of you have no idea what you mean to me," he said, keeping his seat between the boys. "I hope you two never forget that."  
.  
.  
.  
Rafael couldn't sleep, so he'd gotten up with his grandson, Mason, and fed him when the time was right, continuing to rock him even after he fell back asleep. He knew that he was simply nervous about meeting Max the next day, but he couldn't seem to figure out exactly why that was. It had been so many years since they had lost their papa that Rafael was on the verge of losing count, but they were meeting in the morning to spend their yearly mandatory day together, just the two of them.

Since they'd lost their papa, they'd made a point to spend at least one day together every year, knowing that their papa was gone in part because he wanted them to have the chance to live together as a family. They days that the both of them had become grandparents had been days full of so much emotion that Rafael knew he would never forget them. Their families were now so mixed with combinations of Shadowhunters, various Downworlders, and even mundanes that they had no hope of ever calling the Lightwood family a "Shadowhunter" family again.

Rafael often wished that both of his parents were there to see what their family had become. He knew they would both be terribly proud of every person who carried the Lightwood name, and their pride was something he wished he could see. Rafael put Mason back in his crib and finally dragged himself back to bed. He knew that he had to get some sleep if he were to actually meet Max the next day.  
.  
.  
.  
"Papa would be terribly proud of you, Rafe," Max said, staring at the headstone in front of them. They'd spent the day together in their usual way, traveling to different places that meant the most to them, but in the end, they always found themselves at their fathers' graves. "I know he'd be very proud of the choice he made." Max's voice sounded very far away, and Rafael couldn't resist the urge to wrap an arm around him.

"I don't care how much time goes by, Max," Rafael said, his voice catching ever so slightly. "I'm always going to miss them, and you're always going to be my Blueberry." Rafael chuckled as Max playfully shoved him, but he knew that Max was only doing so because he was at a loss to express what he was feeling. "I love you, too, little brother," Rafael said, closing his eyes and thanking his fathers for the gifts that both of them gave him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! I'm really happy with how it turned out (it turned out a lot differently than I originally intended). As always, let me know your thoughts on it!


End file.
